Person of the Year (2010)

It’s time for person of the year. Previous Winners include Rahm Emmanuel (2006), Al Gore (2007), Barack Obama (2008), and Leonard Nimoy (2009).


This year’s nominees in NO particular order:

Lady Gaga: She had a big year on the charts, with her fashion statements, and drunken debauchery in Jerry Seinfeld’s baseball suite.

Chilean Miners: Mining is the worst profession in the world. Imagine working miles underground with the constant threat of cave-ins. When you retire, you get to experience a whole host of nasty ailments. For these guys, they had the added thrill of being trapped underground!

Sarah Palin: John McCain created a monster and she is cashing in.

Glenn Beck: He’s been all over the place this year and grew influential. His Washington rally was designed to merge the religious right with the Tea Party and attracted many more than the Comedy Central event right before the elections.

Senator Jim DeMint: DeMint tied his fortunes with the Tea Party and bucked his own party to push for more fiscally conservative candidates. Right now, he’s a power broker.

The Tea Party: The Tea Party experienced dramatic growth and success over the year advocating fiscal sanity. As of today, it’s a force despite attacks from the fringe left, left bots, and other extremists. It’s influence is now being felt overseas as some Brits are looking to form Tea Parties. Whether it remains a player in the future is yet to be seen. If the Tea Party merges with the religious right, it will probably spell its end.

Ilya Kovalchuk: Just like the name.

San Francisco Giants: They barely made the playoffs and yet these refugees from the Island of Misfit Toys won the World Series.

Michael Vick: In 2010, redemption is spelled V-I-C-K.

Roy Halladay: Best season for a pitcher in a decade.

Sabermetricians: The geeks have finally conquered baseball. Until recently, it would have been unfathomable for a 13-12 pitcher to win a Cy Young Award. Sabermetrics provides NFL guys material to make fun of baseball with.

Drew Brees: Wins the Superbowl, saves New Orleans single handedly….For the record, I thought the Lions should have drafted him...

And the winner is….Drew Brees

Tool of the Decade: The Aughts

Here are the candidates for Tool of the Decade:

Ron Artest: Artest is the headcase that initiated the Malice at the Palace. This tool goes nuts in Auburn Hills and Detroit gets blamed.

Barry Bonds: He cheated…and he cheated because he was jealous of Sosa and McGwire. Oh yeah, he’s also a racist asshole.

Barry Bonds Fans: They are like the Jonestown cult. Despite overwhelming evidence, they still support this guy, his behavior, and make excuses for him.

Hugo Chavez: I am not sure why this thuggish dictator is so popular amongst the left. His heavy handed dictatorship has destroyed the Venezuelan economy and crushed freedoms. Yet, he is popular in American leftist circles.

Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears: Talentless people that are famous for their trashy public behavior.

Perez Hilton: A minor annoyance to be sure. Just when you thought celebrity stalking could not get worse, enter Hilton, TMZ, and other filth.

Bernie Maddoff: He even bankrupted George Castanza (See Curb Your Enthusiasm).

The Music Industry: They eliminated cassette singles, overpriced CD singles to force people to buy full length albums. This created the download craze which they then started suing over (PR Nightmare). All of this and then came American Idol. If you are good at karaoke, then try out! The end result was a collapse of profits, the industry, and the worst crap to be heard on radio since the early 50s.

Reality TV Stars: Who is worse? The fools on reality TV or the fools that watch reality TV?

Michael Vick: Dog fighting? He should have been hung up by his testicles and given an electric cattle prod up his ass.

Kanye West: Where to start…

The Winner: Barry Bonds and his fans