Sports Quotes of the Year: 2013

Quote of the Year: “This is our [expletive] city, and nobody is going to dictate our freedom. Stay strong.”

-Boston Red Sox player David Ortiz after the terror attack on the Boston Marathon

Slam of the Year: “Proud of my husband and the Pats. By the way, if anyone is bored, please go to Ray Lewis’ Wikipedia page. 6 kids 4 wives. Acquitted for murder. Paid a family off. Yay. What a hall of fame player! A true role model!”

-ANNA BURNS WELKER

“This will be my last ride.”

-Ray Lewis announcing his retirement

"If you had to pick between the two, that would be a tough choice, but five beats one every time I look at it."

-Michael Jordan on the question of LeBron vs Kobe

 “I’m a 34-year-old NBA center. I’m black. And I’m gay.”

-JASON COLLINS

"I don’t usually worry about someone’s personal hygiene."

 -Jim Leyland

"I picked the wrong vice. I should have picked alcohol. I should have picked drugs or I should have picked up beating up my wife or girlfriend because if you do those three, you get a second chance."

-PETE ROSE

"Bud Selig is trying to alter his legacy from the commissioner who tacitly condoned steroids to the one who tried to stamp them out."

-Bob Wojonowski Detroit News

"The only thing the HOF will let me in for is to use the restroom."

-Todd Jones

"He [Jay Z] got him a big raise, but he got him an extra 30-day vacation -- and it’s called October."

-Pete Rose on Robinson Cano

 

Quotes of the Month: February 2013

Quote of the Month: “I snorted half of Peru.”

-Steven Tyler

Stupid Quote of the Month: “When was the last time you heard about a rape on campus?”

-Bob Beckel

“I was a jerk.”

-John Mayer

"Death panels and sales taxes is how we do this"

Paul Krugman

"Strength of mind and body are necessary, strength which in the last few months has deteriorated in me to the extent that I have had to recognize my incapacity to adequately fulfill the ministry entrusted to me.”

-Pope Benedict XVI

“It’s like Django unchained! It’s exciting!”

-Marc Lamont Hill on spree killer Christopher Dorner

"If you had to pick between the two, that would be a tough choice, but five beats one every time I look at it."

-Michael Jordan on the question of LeBron vs Kobe

"These cuts are not smart. They are not fair. They will hurt our economy. They will add hundreds of thousands of Americans to the unemployment rolls. This is not an abstraction -- people will lose their jobs."

-Barack Obama

“If he wants to leave it alone and not deal with those two biggies, forget the rest of the stuff -- he'll have a failed presidency."

-Alan Simpson on Obama and the debt

'In America, you have a right to be stupid, if you want to be... and we tolerate that.'

-John Kerry

"That’s a kind of madness that I haven't seen in a long time.”

-Bob Woodward on Obama’s refusal to defend America

"The White House threatened me."

-Bob Woodward

"Congressman, you are a total waste of time. We're moving on, because our audience deserves better."

-Sean Hannity

Sports Quotes of the Year: 2011

No order...

“We got disrespected so our gangsters went out and zipped them up.”

-A Xavier Basketball player after a brawl with Cincinnati

“But I think it does show courage from the kids, standing out and doing that, and some boldness.’’

-Tim Tebow on protests over the suspension of two students for “Tebowing.”

"I love that Jeanie Buss' boy toy had something to say about us. I don't know if it was his thought or Jeanie's thought, but it's nice to know that she lets him speak in public about other teams."

-Mark Cuban

“Crazy. Karma is a b—-.. Gets you every time. Its not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!”

-LeBron James after the Cavs 55 point loss to the Lakers

“LeBron James: How is that karma thing working out?”

-The Cleveland Plain Dealer after James got injured

“I take my hat off to myself.”

-Carmelo Anthony

“I’m just hopeful the coach doesn’t dismiss me.”

-OSU President E. Gordon Gee

“That’s the world of prostitution. You never know what you’re going to get.”

-Lawrence Taylor

“Take the vehicle. I have 10 more.”

-Allen Iverson after the police pulled his Lamborghini over.

"We want to make sure that he's really retired first."

- Packers on waiting to retire Bret Favre's #4.

"Buster is laying in front of home plate, and it's like having a disabled car in the middle of a four-lane highway. You're just going to get smacked."

Johnny Bench on the Buster Posey collision

"I ask guys all the time: Guys with blue eyes, brown eyes, whatever ... and guys with blue eyes have a tough time [during the day]."

-Josh Hamilton

"Money is cool and all but I'm only 23, I have a lot of time to make that."

-Christian Lopez after catching Derek Jeter’s 3000^th hit

“We don’t pay him to run. We pay him to trot.”

-Jim Leyland on Miguel Cabrera

“Stats are for losers and rings are for champions.”

-Darren McCarty

“National League pitchers are stupid.”

-Mitch Williams on why they pitch to Ryan Howard

“Kobe, five championships; LeBron, zero.”

-Magic Johnson

"If we were trying to run a regular offense, he'd be screwed."

-Broncos coach John Fox on Tim Tebow

“When I’ll consider myself a dirty player is when my mom tells me.”

-Ndamukong Suh

Quotes of the Month: October 2011

Quote of the Month:

“It’s hard to accept being liked.”

-Andy Rooney

Dumb Quotes of the Month:

"Murder will continue to rise. Rape will continue to rise. All crime will continue to rise."

-Joe Biden on what would happen if the Jobs Bill fails

“I believe all the choices we've made have been the right ones.”

-Barack Obama

Twilight Zone Quote of the Month:

"Dreamt I died in Chicago next weekend (heart attack in my sleep). Need to write my will today."

-Former Weezer Bassist Mikey Welsh one week before he suddenly died.

Slam of the Month:

"Kobe, five championships; LeBron, zero.”

-Magic Johnson

And the rest…

"I was thinking about it in the outfield last night. With all of the stress and everything of that game yesterday, you know, thinking about and actually made some amends with trainers and with staff from the other side, from the Rays' side, because I don't think I ever had, as far as what I did and when I was here and my time. And they put a lot of time and effort into me, so just made an apology, a few yesterday."

-Josh Hamilton

“I’d kill Kurt Cobain for killing himself.”

-Courtney Love on what she’d do if he came back from the dead

“We want sweeping unspecified change.”

- A sign in the Occupy Wall Street protests

“I left the Democratic plantation a long time ago.”

-Herman Cain

"10 years ago, Steve Jobs was alive, Bob Hope was alive, Johnny Cash was alive. Now we're outta jobs, outta hope &outta cash"

-Peggy Noonan

“Without trade, Jerome Harrison doesn't get physical. Without physical, doctors don't find brain tumor. Trade might have saved his life.”

-Adam Schefter

“You’re headed for a one-term presidency.”

-Steve Jobs to Barack Obama

"After nearly nine years, America's war in Iraq will be over."

-Barack Obama

“Do you know right from wrong?”

-Moammar Khadafy (last words)

“We came. We saw. He died.”

-Hillary Clinton celebrating Khadafy’s death

Quotes of the Month: April 2011

Quote of the Month: “People like crap.”

-Getty Lee on popular music



Stupid Quote of the Month: “I don’t trust your kind.”

-LeBron’s mom to the police



Political Quote of the Month: "Our leaders are stupid, they are stupid people. It's just very, very sad."


-Donald Trump (he had a big month)


And the rest:

“Will the universe end? many ask. Yes. Not with a bang but a whimper. Not in fire, but in ice. Not in light, but in darkness.”

-Neil deGrasse Tyson

"I see the same [expletive] you guys see. Exactly the same [expletive]."

-Ozzie Guillen on his team’s bullpen problems

“Take the vehicle. I have 10 more.”

-Allen Iverson after the police pulled his Lamborghini over.

“Your cat does not love you. It tolerates you day to day.”

-George Takei

“The WH has been remarkably consistent...in changing nearly all of his campaign positions.”

-Dana Perino

"Why don't you just arrest me?"

-Nicholas Cage to police

Quotes of the Month: January 2011

Quote of the Month: “Interesting though, as we evolve and realize our social prejudices are unacceptable, we are finding new groups to hate.”


-Simon Pegg

Stupid Quote of the Month: “We have three branches of government. We have a house. We have a senate. We have a president.”

-Senator Charles Schumer

And the rest:

"When I look at waste, fraud and abuse in the bureaucracy and in the government, this is like steroids to pump up the muscles of waste."

-Darrell Issa

"I love that Jeanie Buss' boy toy had something to say about us. I don't know if it was his thought or Jeanie's thought, but it's nice to know that she lets him speak in public about other teams."

-Mark Cuban

"If you don't like a person's vision for the country, you're free to debate that vision. If you don't like their ideas, you're free to propose better ideas. But, especially within hours of a tragedy unfolding, journalists and pundits should not manufacture a blood libel that serves only to incite the very hatred and violence they purport to condemn. That is reprehensible.”

-Sarah Palin

"If they bring a knife, we'll bring a gun."

-Barack Obama (2008)

"The big question wasn't whose rhetoric was right or wrong, but whether our political conversation was worthy of the confidence and trust of the American people.”

-John Kerry

“Crazy. Karma is a b—-.. Gets you every time. Its not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!”

-LeBron James after the Cavs 55 point loss to the Lakers

“LeBron James: How is that karma thing working out?”

-The Cleveland Plain Dealer after James got injured

"He's an asshole. Fuck him."

-Antonio Cromartie on Tom Brady

“Ironically, the best defense against a zombie uprising would be a robot army.”

-Grant Imahara

“It was a meeting of the world’s most powerful communist and the president of China.”

-Craig Ferguson on the Chinese President’s White House visit

“He is a dictator.”

-Harry Reid on Chinese President Hu Jintao

“The Original Miss Saigon tweeted it was “cool” to be working with “Sulu.” It’s like Manila Ice.”

-George Takei

Douce Bag of the Year-2010

Usually around Thanksgiving, media types unveil their turkeys of the year. I am doing the same thing...just using a more descriptive term.

Last year's winners: The Balloon Boy's family and the White House Party Crashers.

This year's nominees (in no particular order):

Nancy Pelosi: The House speaker destroyed her party with extreme policies and does not understand why people rejected her. Rather than gracefully resign, she has returned to continue her crusade against America.

LeBron James: The decision, the betrayal, the retarded Nike ad, his Miami fashion show-like debut, the feud with his former boss, and Miami's slow start make LeBron one of the favorites this year.

Julian Assange: This narcissist may get someone killed. Of course, he's already been accused with rape. I always believed he more resembled a pedophile.

Tony Heyward: America's friend from BP. The only thing worse than Heyward's behavior during the oil spill was Obama's!

Westboro Baptist Church: These guys are beyond douche bags.

California Voters: Barbara Boxer is the worst member of the U.S. Senate. Jerry Brown is vacuous. Californians elected both of them. Who's the bigger fool, the fool or the fool who follows it?

Miami Heat Fans: Despite having a super-team, Heat fans can not be bothered to attend games.

The Barefoot Bandit: What a turd.

Mel Gibson: 'nuf said.

Paul Krugman: This douche advocates massive government spending to stimulate the economy. In 5,000 years of human history, this has NEVER worked to create sustained growth. All it does is deplete treasuries, increase taxes, and create a very angry citizenry. He knows that. 

and the winner: LeBron James

Quotes of the Month-July 2010

Quote of the Month: "We already have a UN on the ground and it's worthless. Now you want to build one in space?"

-Charles Krauthammer on NASA's mission to the Muslim World

Manly Quote of the Month: “Five hundred twenty starts, I never refused the ball. What a joke!”

- Jim Bunning on Stephen Strasburg


And the rest...


"So I decided I'm going after the bad hair vote."

-Barbara Boxer on her bad hair


"You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal."

-Cleveland Cavaliers Owner Dan Gilbert on "the Decision."


"Obama's only idea of addressing joblessness thus far has been to keep people out of work even longer."

-SE Cupp


“It’s like going to heaven before you die.”

-Whitey Herzog on his induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame


"You were the wind beneath the Hawk's wings."

-Andre Dawson to Cubs fans on his induction


"Charlie Rangel should play the Joker in the next "Batman" movie. He could take over Gotham, one rent-controlled apartment at a time."

-Dennis Miller


“Each generation gets the music they deserve.”

-Ray Mazarek

NBA's Greatest Games by Decade

1940s: Philadelphia Warriors: 83 Chicago Stags: 80 (April 22, 1947) BAA Championship: The first pro basketball championship series. Warriors won Game 5 by a score of 83-80 to win the series.


1950s: Fort Wayne Pistons:19 Minneapolis Lakers: 18 (November 22, 1950): This was the lowest scoring game in NBA history. The Pistons held the ball as long as possible to prevent the Lakers from blowing them out. Shot clock anyone?

1960s: Philadelphia Warriors: 169 New York Knicks: 147 (March 2, 1962): Chamberlain drops 100.

1970s: Boston Celtics: 128 Phoenix Suns: 126 (3OT) Game 5 NBA Finals (June 4, 1976): The series was tied 2-2. The Celtics took a huge lead, but lost it. The game featured three overtimes, controversial calls, and strangeness with the game clock. Boston won the game and then the title in Game 6.

1980s: Detroit Pistons: 186 Denver Nuggets: 184 (December 13, 1983): During the NBA’s glory years, the Pistons outscored the Nuggets in the highest scoring affair in history. Twelve players scored in double digits, six scored over 20, and four hit for more than 40. Nearly 30 years later, it remains the highest scoring game in NBA history.

1990s: Chicago Bulls: 90 Utah Jazz: 88 (Game 5 NBA Finals) The Flu Game (June 11, 1997): Michael Jordan had the flu and finished with 38 while playing 44 minutes. Karl Malone disappeared. Bulls win.

2000s: Los Angeles Lakers: 100 Sacramento Kings: 99 (Western Conference Finals Game 4): May 26, 2002: The Lakers trailed by 24 and came back to win on a Robert Horry three-point shot. This series is now marred by revelations that some NBA officials may have been in the tank.

2010s: Boston Celtics: 95 Cleveland Cavaliers: 85 (Eastern Conference Semifinals): May 13, 2010: LeBron Gone! With his crown came nothin’! At this point, LeBron James has no substance and no heart.