Wednesday, October 20, 2010

A Modern Dante's Inferno

In the fourteenth century, Dante created some of our conceptions about Hell. In the poem, Dante is escorted through Hell by the Roman poet Virgil. Dante's Hell has multiple levels and punishments are leveled upon sinners based on their crimes. This is not a one size fits all hell.

The Inferno has nine circles. Each circle represents a different sin and Dante placed real historical figures into these categories. Modern readers will not know most of these characters. So, here is an updated version...
First Circle: Limbo (Unbaptised and Virtuous Pagans)

Gandhi: The Indian mahatma led his country's independence movement through non-violent civil disobedience. However, he was not a Christian. As a result, he lands in Dante's first circle.

Second Circle: Lust

Wilt Chamberlain: Wilt claimed to have bedded over 20,000 women.

Third Circle: Gluttony

Jim Morrison: Jim did everything to excess and eventually ballooned out.

Fourth Circle: Avarice (Greed)

Ken Lay: The former Enron chief destroyed his company and wiped out his workers. Before the trial, Lay was worth around $40 million.

Fifth Circle: Wrath

Bernhard Goetz (space waiting): Yeah, he's still alive, but Goetz is the poster child for vigilantism.

Sixth Circle: Heresy

Joseph Smith: He convinced his followers that an angel visited him. He compiled the Book of Mormon and created his own branch of Christianity.
Seventh Circle: Violence

Toward Others: Ike Turner: Ike was a well known wife-beater.

Toward Self (Suicide): Kurt Cobain: Cobain shot himself at the peak of his popularity.

Toward God (Blasphemy): Muhammad Atta: Pick your terrorist for believing that killing people for Islam will get them 72 virgins and make God happy.

Toward Nature (Sodomy): Gerry Studds: Congressman Studds got involved with underage male pages.

Toward Art (Usury): JP Morgan: Is anyone a better example of Usury?

Eighth Circle: Fraud

Seducers: Marquis de Sade: The Maquis lived a scandalous life based on sexual liberty.

Flatterers: Joseph Goebbels: Goebbels served as Hitler's propaganda minister.

Simony: Reserved for George Soros: Simony is the sin of paying for church sacraments and offices. A modern equivalent might be the purchase of political influence. Soros has bought one of America's major political parties.

False Prophets: Jim Jones: Jones portrayed himself as a holy man and killed his followers.

Barraters: Boss Tweed: Tweed was the most corrupt politician in U.S. history.

Hypocrites: Jimmy Swaggert: 'nuf said.

Thieves: Jesse James: Jesse James was the most famous of the Old West outlaws.

False Counselors: Johnny Cochrane: Pick your lawyer...Cochrane got O.J. off for murder.

Schismatics: George Wallace: Few politicians have sewed as much discord as George Wallace.

Falsifiers: Alger Hiss: Hiss was a traitor, Soviet agent, and perjurer.

Ninth Circle: Betrayal

Kin: Lizzy Borden: There may be no greater betrayal than murdering one's family.

Country: Benedict Arnold: Arnold is America's greatest traitor. He almost succeeded in surrendering West Point to the British.

Guests: Ayatollah Khomeini: Iran held 52 Americans hostage for 444 days from 1979-1981. The American embassy workers were guests in Iran and Khomeini betrayed them.

Benefactors: Mary Queen of Scots: Mary became embroiled in a plot of overthrow her cousin Elizabeth I. Mary lived under Elizabeth's protection and betrayed her cousin.

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